Loralyn Mears, PhD
Monday Motivation: Surviving Valentine’s Day
This article was originally published on February 10, 2020 at https://gritdaily.com/monday-motivation-surviving-valentines-day/
Monday Motivation, it’s on! We see you, struggling to get your day started and in need of a pick-me-up to launch your week on the right foot. If you’re a podcast person, listen to our Monday Matters content on our Spotify Grit Daily podcast channel. Or read on to get our Monday Motivation quick tips.
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Oh the joys of being single
Some of my friends break out in hives at the mere thought of Valentine’s Day. And those are the ones that are paired off! Many of them are nauseated by the prerequisite and extravagant spending on frivolous chocolate hearts and roses.
Don’t count on the holiday going away any time soon: last year, it netted $19.6 Billion (yes, that’s a “B”) for retailers. Men buy 75% of the 110 Million roses sold at this time of year. Apparently, gifting roses for Valentine’s Day is going by the way of the dinosaur as that number is about 40% less than the 198 Million roses grown in 2010 for the holiday.
If you’re single, you may not be gifted with a surprise delivery of an extra-long rectangular box wrapped in ribbons. But that shouldn’t bother you – you read Monday motivation and you can buy yourself roses! I buy flowers for myself every week. They brighten the house and lift my mood. Although the holiday is waning in significance, many single people are still upset about it. It’s a milestone date that underscores being alone. And that can raise anxiety and foster feelings of sadness and depression.
Tips to survive Valentine’s Day
Any and all feelings are “real.” If you’re feeling emotional about something, acknowledge how you feel. Think about it to process how those feelings will change by tomorrow, when X happens or whatever other metric you want to apply. The important thing is that your feelings will change: it just might take some time. And it will take work. Within a few days, you’ll stop seeing hearts plastered all over every ad and Instagram post.
In a related Monday motivation article, we shared tips on how to survive the holidays. One of the needs for survival cited in that post was managing being single during the period of glitz and festivities. Valentine’s Day will come and go before you know it. Besides, you know the saying, “a moment on your lips…” and who wants all those heart-shaped sugar candies or foil-wrapped chocolates with silly sayings on them anyway?
#1 – embrace Galentine’s Day as a new tradition
I wasn’t even aware of this holiday until a contact at Joel Gott Wines clued me into the sisterhood. Now that I’m refreshingly “in the know,” I plan to make it annual tradition myself. Galentine’s Day is unofficially celebrated on February 13th, the night before the much amped Cupids’ day on the 14th. The faux holiday is designed to foster “ladies celebrating ladies” and, yes, there’s wine and spirits involved to toast those female friendships. It originated on NBC’s hit show, Parks and Recreation, with an episode that aired in 2010 which brought the boozy-themed “ladies who lunch” mainstream.
#2 – apply the rule of 10-10-10
I personally use this rule often. A tremendous creative writer from RVA shared it with me years ago when I was going through a particularly rough time. The “rule” is used as an increasing metric of time to reinforce how impactful (or not) whatever is bothering you will be after that time has passed. Applied to this instance of Monday motivation, in 10 min – 10 hours – 10 days, will being single for Valentine’s Day still bother you?
#3 – acknowledge that you’re single and consider why you no longer want to be
This is Monday motivation; the last thing in the world you should do is beat yourself up about all the nitpicky things that you don’t like about yourself. Nonsense! Whatever others have noticed in you – or have not noticed – is a matter of opinion. Consider why you no longer wish to be single and then think about what things that you need to do differently to change that. It’s not about changing anything about YOU – it’s about changing where you go out, the frequency that you go out, which types of places you should go out to, etc.
Nothing is perfect. Nobody is either. I could wax on and on how “one person’s trash is another one’s treasure” or how “what you see is not always what you get.” This is Monday motivation and the whole point is that being single is okay. So is being in a healthy relationship. What’s not okay is being in a bad relationship for the sake of not being single. Sometimes, given certain situations, being single may be your best option: embrace it! And remember, being single can be temporary or permanent if you choose – it’s a matter of time and it’s up to you.
The truth is, it’s never okay to be in a bad relationship. Find a way out, talk to a friend or get help from a crisis line or local shelter. There is always a way out! And, if you’re in a healthy relationship, enjoy it, celebrate your partner, but be sensitive about your celebration if your friends are single. You might even think about buying some roses …